I C.A.R.E.: Setting Boundaries for Families

A Guide for Families Dealing with FASD

1. Educate about FASD
   FASD is a complex disorder that affects brain development. Sharing simple, clear information about FASD can help family members understand your challenges better. My book The Best I Can Be helped so many people and it really also helped the dads to understand.
   You could say something like: “FASD causes brain differences that make some things challenging. It’s not bad behavior or poor parenting.”
2. Be specific about needs
   Don’t assume family members know what you need. Clearly communicate your specific requirements to avoid misunderstandings. Remember extended family does not live with you everyday and when they see you, you are often in a sensory overload and transitioning space and THAT is hard on everyone!
   Tell family members exactly what you need from them: “I know this is hard to understand, it is hard for us to, I would love to explain this more.” or “Please don’t give unsolicited parenting advice. If I need help, I’ll ask for it.”
3. Use “I” statements
   Express how their actions affect you personally. This approach can help reduce defensiveness and promote empathy.
   Say something like: “I feel frustrated when you criticize my parenting decisions. I’m doing my best to support my child’s unique needs.”
4. Set clear limits
   Establish firm boundaries about what is and isn’t acceptable to protect your family’s well-being.
   Communicate these limits calmly but firmly.: “Can you help me find a calming space in your home for our child?” “We won’t be attending family gatherings where alcohol is served, as it’s triggering for our child.”
5. Offer alternatives
   Suggest positive ways for family members to engage and support you. This gives them a constructive role and helps them feel involved.
   Say something like: “It would be really helpful if you could spend one-on-one time with [child’s name] doing an activity they enjoy.” “____ really like to _____ would you be willing to take some time and get to know her?”
6. Be consistent
   Enforce your boundaries consistently. If a family member crosses a line, remind them calmly of the boundary you’ve set. Consistency helps others understand that you’re serious about your limits.
7. Seek support
   You don’t have to navigate this journey alone. Reach out to FASD support groups or professionals for guidance and validation. Consider joining an FASD support group or working with a family therapist who understands FASD. They can help you navigate these challenging conversations.

Setting boundaries is an act of self-care and family protection. It may be challenging at first, but with time and practice, it can lead to healthier relationships and better understanding of FASD within your whole family.

Setting boundaries takes time and practice. Be patient with yourself and your family members as you work towards better understanding and support.

TODAY’S NOTE: “I was blessed to be adopted into a family that loved me and did not judge me. I was allowed to become my own person even though I was very different from everyone else.” – In Solidarity, Liz“